Prepare Yourself

As I am sure you have noticed, I have obviously entered the "cleansing of self " stage of the fast and that is why I have being incognito from blogger as of late. Ummm....right. No, honestly I just have been too focused on what flavored cardboard I can scarf down next! Nothing specific on my mind, just ramblings so bear with me please.

***I am just curious am I the only person who has to switch deodorants every couple months or so when the deo decides to have an adverse effect on my delicate underarms? I am not one of those people who can just hold to one that miraculously works for..ev..er. No, I cannot raise my hand if I am sure because if it has been more than a few months of using the anti-perspirant I most assuredly am entering the UN-sure zone. I am the secret sniffer. Take for instance Dove, which worked wonders at first. I smelt shower and powder fresh, for awhile. All to soon I begin smelling like a can of Raid. Not fun, not pretty.

Does everyone's face get not smooth as they age or is it just me? I am startled and amazed at how badly I have an urge to get one of those chemical peels. Please just burn off a few layers! Don't inject me or tighten me, just smooth me out. Like an exfoliater on steroids. Hook a sista up!

I am excited to report I am checking out this weekend and going to the coast with a longtime friend for some R&R. I can NOT wait. I love little beachy towns overflowing with artistic energy. I am so looking forward to digging my feet in the sand and just breathing the clean air. I will be keeping a quick eye on the ocean though desperate to catch sight of a fin. I will play coy with the waves, getting braver by the minute only to realize I have gone out too far (if the wave comes half way up my calf I have indeed gone to far!) only to run like hell back to a safe distance. Only ignorant people don't know that most shark attacks happen in shallow waters! Besides last vacation I took there I met a diver who, upon answering my nosey questions, informed me that his best friend who also was his diving partner got eaten by a GREAT WHITE two years past. HEEEELLLLOOOO, who has that happen to them? Most people I know have never met someone who even knows someone who has been bit. Well, it also could be not everyone is going up and talking about their shark obsession with random strangers gearing up to go dive in the great blue. Hmm, could be. Ya know not cause ya ask not. That is my take on it. I am just saying.

Have a fanflippin'tastic day people! Remember if you care enough, you will smell your best!

Fasting Is Fun?

I am hip deep in a Daniel fast. Three and a half days of no preservatives, artificial flavor, no sugars, no meats, nada. I am surviving on veggies, fruits, and natural foods. I am loving Trader Joes at this time. I found some veggie chips with flax seeds. Mmmm. Tastes "almost" like the real thing (Snicker, snicker). Oh Doritos, I miss you so. My church started doing this fast last year. Some people did it for a full 21 days! I did it 9 total, split into 3 weekends. My husband and I are hanging in for 11 this time. It is amazing how run down I felt yesterday. I had a sugar crash. It is amazing how FEW "pure" foods are even out there for the taking. Not much. No wonder people are living longer, we have been preserving our insides! My church is doing it in a corporate venture to see some prayers answered and purify our spirits as well as the physical body. And did I mention I am putting out more gas than the average AMPM? This is going to be interesting. Someone, could you please pass me the sea salt????

Be Gone Mean One

I have this lovely little friend who is my peep fo shizzle. She is funny, interesting and intelligent...well, most of the time. She has this funky "situation" that keeps her life tied up in knots like an over eager pretzel. It...Gets...Frustrating. Unwrap the frickin' pretzel and straighten your life out pronto! I am the counselor type of friend which means I am a pretty good listener and I enjoy helping my buddies. She is one of them. She is in a committed relationship although she still carries the torch for her long time "friend" of 10 years. Yup, she is in love with someone who just continues to pull her chain. Again, and again. It is like a sick and twisted game of catch and release with the same exact person over and over. And did I mention HE calls all the shots. HE knows she is in love with him and whenever the subject could arise and she gets gumption HE fades out of her life for a time. Until HE decides HE cannot take it anymore and needs a "she" fix. I think HE is a selfish bastard! I am so sick and tired of him making her miserable. Why do certain men feel the need to be so cruel, controlling and UUURRRRGGGG?!!! I swear she drops whatever she is doing if HE asks anything of her. Men like that deserve no respect. They also deserve someone to do the exact same twisted game to them until they are miserably consumed. That would only be fair.

Feel The Burn?

Oh My Good Grief!!! I am not gonna survive this. Heart pounding, calves pinching, temples throbbing. Not to mention the amount of sweat flooding from my pores. Cleansing? Maybe. Worth it. (Hesitantly...)Yes. This describes my first work out in about 2 months. I totally fell off the wagon this past holiday. As in, I fell off the wagon straight into a vat of peach cobbler,pies, some ice cream , and many a decorated xmas cookie just for variety. Ugg. My "fall" started mid October up until now. What a bitch getting back on the wagon was! I hate this wagon. It is good for me but such a PAIN! I cannot believe how 2 months can't destroy any possible shape you were working towards getting yourself into. Totally unfair. I am in hating this mode. Precore can kiss my giggly bum. I don't even like the Precore right now, and that is sad to say because I always enjoyed it. I am also sad to say I could only survive 15 minutes of it. What happened to my regular 30 minutes? I am going to have to start from 15 and build my way back up. Oh YIPPEE! My shaking limbs can HARDLY even wait!

Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Rush

I caught a marathon of this show on tv the other day and quickly found myself engrossed in a two hour viewing of Jack Osbourne, first son of the world’s most famous TV family on a mission. He never really caught much of my attention on his MTV show of his crazy family. I didn't care about his frumpy, pasty self at all really. Then the other day I was flipping channels and Wala! I was hooked. The premis of the show is he wants to take on one of the planet’s most extreme climbing challenges – El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. El Cap is a vertical kilometre of sheer rock in California’s Yosemite Valley - an extreme undertaking even by the standards of hardened professionals. There is a small snag in this plan - Jack is virtually a complete novice at climbing, unfit and about 56 lbs overweight. And trust me, upon seeing the mountain via cabel~ it is enormous!
He did some of the world’s most exciting and challenging outdoor sports. He jumped off Verdon Gorge in France – a sheer rock face of 1,000 ft to conquer his fear of falling. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona – literally be chased by wild bulls through the narrow streets of this Spanish town. He cave dived in Spain - swimming through underground flooded chambers to reach caverns in the ends of the earth. He also used ice axes and crampons to ice climb to an altitude of 12,000 ft in the Alps. It was amazing watching him literally transform his flabby self into a "cut", rock climbing machine! If you happen to get the chance to watch this show you should. It is really awesome to see these wild stunts done by JACK Osbourne. I felt proud of the kid.

Oh the HORROR!

Seinfeld Moment
Last night a group of us gals headed to dinner and a movie. All was going smoothly. We got outta the restaurant on time to not be late to The Holiday( seen it 3x's now people. I highly recommend!). At the end of dinner I got my check and it says $2.99 for my Strawberry Lemonade, which was fine but I hadn't gotten a refill so I felt the need to ask for a refill and then preceded to gulp it down. It made sense at the time as how to "get my money's worth..." Whatever! By the time we reached the Theatre I felt like a tick ready to pop so after getting my ticket and trusty Whoppers I headed to the loo. I am funny about the restrooms I inhabit even for those brief moments of relief. I want them CLEAN! I quickly surveyed the toilet and headed in. Upon closing the latch and forming my stance I gazed down to my feet and Horror of Horrors is someone's small turd that had been somewhat smeared! I loudly said, "what is that? Gross!" I can only imagine what the other potty users were thinking I had discovered in my little stall. In dismay I finished QUICKLY and fancy footed it out of there! SO GROSS! Where are the cleaners and WHO in their right mind sharts like that? Come on and atleast have the decency to clean up after yourself. Didn't your mama teach you manners?

New Year, Same Stuff...

Ringing in the new year hours early via satellite at my sisters pad was fairly lack luster. No champagne, no Martinelli's, no fantastic crudities. When the clock struck midnight in my time zone I was surrounded by a bushel of Goth looking teenagers ( why the skinny boys grow their hair long and they sport skinny squeeze jeans I will never know, I guess it proves how depressed they are not to care about their appearance that much!) I did get a smooch from my hubby and kisses from my two darlings. Still it is not what I would have preferred my "New Years" party to be. Ah well. I don't really take all that New Years mumbo jumbo too seriously anyways. Infact it is pretty comical. Some people really are dead serious regarding resolutions...on week 1. Check back in on week 3 and resolutions are generally out the door so to speak. Look at the way the media targets all of the resolution makers. Walmart advertises all these work out clothes and fitness balls...Give it till next week and back on the big "Rollback flyer" will be none other than Doritos and Pepsi and Twinkies and yoga pants will be replaced by lounge pants. Everyone knows how it goes with those resolutions. So my resolution is just to have a stinkin' good year. More vacations. Atleast one vacation with just my friends. No drama. And lounge pants. Comfy, cozy lounge pants.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!