The Day After...

Don't you just hate the day after you have a big blow up with your spouse? I did in fact have one with my hunny last night. Today, like most days following, I have that gnawing pit in my stomach. I feel sorta raw and exposed...and disappointed in myself and him and my words....guilty for my lack of ability to be vulnerable enough to tap into and communicate the heart of the matter. Thus ending up in a bitter brawl all the while sad and missing him. That was what the whole deal came down to..if only I just said that instead of all the other crap!!!

I love him so much and am so proud of the fact we are happily married going on ten years. I don't doubt for a second I didn't marry the right guy.

He is so right for me and I too am a good fit for him. It's just...ARRGGG! I hate the terribleness I can almost physically feel when we argue...ESPECIALLY when one of your kids may have heard some of it....I just hate how I can be sometimes!!! Guilt sucks!

I am really embracing this New Year. I think instead of hoisting on myself a bunch of unrealistic resolutions I just plan to be better. Work on myself and be the better version of me. I need to shift my focus in area's and re balance out. My most important priority is being the best mother and wife to my dear family I can be. I do want to get healthy and drop a good thirty pounds but if it rolls around Dec. 30, 2009 and I am still packing some pudgy spots but have accomplished my desire to be a better mama and wife, then I still win. I will be more than content with that.