TOLD YA I'D PROVE IT!

Here is how my husband found me, with murder on my mind. Later, in pic #2 that is me looking around for something to kill. It is tough out in the wild woods. As far as 4th of July goes what Miss Informed and her fam is doin is anybody's guess! Consider this though, if you find yourself camping and notice a crazy looking girl mumbling about what a disgrace "Bens" are in our modern day and age, and the horrors of quarter showers, just nod as she walks by. High chances are it is me, Miss Informed in the flesh opting out of enduring hours of boy on boy wrestling. Succumbing to nature, the lesser of two evils. Keep in mind that word on the street is when confronted with a crazy don't meet their eye. I may just be lookin' for something to destroy! Especially if sited early in the morning...

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!

Good lord this year is passing by fast! Mother nature unfortunately played a big fat CRUEL joke on us by skipping spring altogether and going right for the juggler of Hades heat! PG&E must love it as they are raking in the big bucks ALL summer long. I have been living in various pools as of late. Bouncing from one pool to the next. Or the random lake thrown in for variety. I am pruning up incase you were wonderin'. But it is the only escape from the intense heat. Usually I am the type to just stay indoors for pretty much half the year, starting mid May and reappearing after the first rain in September. Makes for so many fun times! Ummm ...Not so much. So this year has been different. I gotta get out of my house and entertain myself and my two kids somehow. How better than a cool, crisp dip? It is second best to hanging out at the freezer section at your local Albertson's. Promise! That too can be rigorously refreshing depending on how long you can keep the freezer doors open without getting noticed. Now with July 4th nipping at our heels it is spawning much grief at our humble abode. What to do? Why is it so hard to make a flippin' plan. My husband and I always seem to have the most irritatingly difficult time deciding on a plan and committing to it. *Insert frown* We go back and forth, back and forth until inevitably it is too late and we are stuck at home with me being pissed and resentful and him watching Ultimate Fighting on the boob tube for hours on end! Let's hope not! I say lets go to the coast, he says lets pack up and brave the outdoors. Now people I just explained generally this is my hibernation time and I don't necessarily ENJOY being out in the heat ESPECIALLY when dust and smoke factor in, most likely at that point you can factor me out!
Rarely do I get a wild hair and consent to go camping. Recently I did. We actually had a great time until night came. I have this little fear of being attacked in my tent by a bear-this could be part of the anti-camping philosophy-and so I suggested we sleep in the campershell. We loaded up the truck along with my air mattress and made way to the beautiful woods...Well, sort of woods( a man made lake constitutes nature to me) All was going peachy until I realized it wasn't much cooling down that fine evening and I am a have the windows shut and the door locked kinda gal. Needless to say we packed in the back of our truck and sweated tell sun up! I slept awful and was such a bitch the next morning. I wanted to KILL something. Don't believe me? I will prove it.

Still Small Voice...

I DESERVE TO BE HEARD

Last night my husband and I made love. This probably sounds usual and obvious to most, but to anyone who is married for multiple years with two kids under their belt might understand more. Simply stated, it doesn’t happen all the time. Not to say sex doesn’t often occur, because it does. I have no problem with doing that duty! But more often than not it is just that…SEX. There is a distinct difference between making love and sex. Both feel good and are enjoyable but one is mainly physical and the other awakens the spiritual, sacred places. It is a beautiful thing to behold. I felt precious and oh so loved beyond words. Feeling that connection with my husband makes me realize why I married him in the first place.
In life it is all to easy to get so side tracked on day to day business so you loose perspective on the truly important, irreplaceable, priceless treasures surrounding us. Loose sight of the things that really matter. Not the things that distract us from the truth. That is just that, a distraction.
Being married and having two kids can take a lot of work and dedication. Also it crushes a lot of false expectations and brings about so many unexpected blessings. It makes you feel out of control in many ways. Sometimes that alone makes me want to panic. It is a hard balance of learning how to maintain who you are inside with all the other titles you hold. Ahna the mother, Ahna the wife, Ahna the christian, Ahna the friend…and so the list goes. What about Ahna the person? There has to be a balance. It is necessary. Is it just me, or does anyone out there ever feel like gagging on the ordinary? I swear I wish just once the sky would part, the clouds would role back and magically the God of all creation would look down and say,” I see you Ahna. I SEE you. You are not alone and you are not just a minnow in the fish bowl of life. You have relevance and you are making a difference.” Well, who wouldn’t want to experience that, really? Ahh well, that is where faith steps in and you just have to trust and believe.
Make every day count, tell the ones nearest and dearest how much you love them. Life is what you make it!

Old Friends Die Hard

I just had such a wonderful night with an old friend that recently I have reconnected with. It has been a great blessing for me to have her in my life. It is funny how 7 years can go by and you can still connect with someone so well. It is a bit suprising to me. When I opened the door to her when our paths crossed I had no idea what would come of it. So I am thrilled things just keep looking up!

Friendship is such a tricky thing. Ask me if I thought that 2 years ago, and I would have said wholeheartedly "no way, friendship is smooth sailing..." My how time can change a person's mind... One friendship in particular is bogging me down. My "best friend" none the less...Funny how even that has changed drastically. I will set the stage so you can understand, 15 years ago we became BF and that continued on through the years: tears, fights, make-ups, break-ups, breakdowns..etc.,. She even lived with me and I fought side by side with her in her divorce...Honestly, in our friendship we always had issues, we both are strong yet sensitive girls so we would continually butt heads. Looking back now I see our friendship was in patterns. Times of "really good, borderline sublime" and then times of, "why are we even friends at all?" We clashed often. It is so sad for me really to see this sisterhood die. I recently bumped into her and neither of us even spoke to each other, our kids just talked. That was awful, I wish we as adults could atleast get some civil closure. How can you have a relationship with someone for 15 years, and then POOF it is up and gone just like that? Without a moment of closure? That is really what our relationship turned into. Beyond friendship, hell we fought like family...Unfortunately we weren't stuck with eachother the way family is. The unbreakable bond ended up being made of plastic rather than steel. I feel the loss of it and it saddens me deeply. I wonder if we will work this out? I know I want the friendship but I don't want the patterns. No more super highs and lowest of lows. I want her friendship but in an adult way. I don't know if that is too much to ask or if it is impossible to remold such familiar territory. I suppose time will tell.

Family Vacation

This weekend we went away to a nice sunny place and enjoyed some long overdo family time. It was relaxing and always entertaining! We went with my husbands family. Never a dull moment there! I was unsure at first of how it would all go because usually there is at least one dramatic family upset when they all get together. My man's family is full of highly opinionated, eccentric people with whom I love. I do not love the drama though. When I first married into the family all my husband and I ever argued about was his family, and trust me, that was enough to keep us busy the first year of marriage! The trouble was I worked with him and his mother prior, and for a while after the "union" so all the normal adjusting pains of mother & daughter-in-law's was amplified resulting into some major bad feelings towards each other. Luckily for all of us, these problems eventually subsided and I can honestly say I really love the woman lots. I am blessed by her. She can still do things that drive me nuts but my love for her softens it, and now I realize she isn't the all-bad monster I made her out to be in my mind. Even still, I was slightly concerned over the weekend plans because his step-dad is very loud and obnoxious at times! I know he has a good heart but he can be overbearing. He and my husbands sister have this love-hate relationship going on. Actually she has the same type of relationship with her own mother too. Instead of any family drama, there was just a lot of laughter and sun burns! It was a good weekend. I am lucky to have family on both sides I enjoy vacationing with! My kids loved it. My daughter swam like a fish without any swimmies this weekend making mom & dad "oh so proud"!

House of Wax

Hilarious! * This probably isn't blogger etiquette & posting this may for all time make me a blogging "Poser" being that I didn't write it, but I could care less. It is so frickin' funny it would be worth it! One time I tried Nads, which lookin' back on it now, the name alone should have set me off. It sounds like some treatment for crabs! But the way that Aussie woman ripped unsightly hair off of a hairy man's back had me mesmerized and hooked me in! Once the stuff arrived in the mail, I tried it once! One lone strip on my leg was as far as I got. The hair did stay away for approximately 2 weeks, but it hurt like hell! All I can say is the hairy guy from the infomercial musta got paid a heck of a lot!

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal -
the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and
now . . The Wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work,
fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next
couple hours: Maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet. I set up
my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom.

It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just
rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg
(or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string
instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be?
I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so
maybe I can figure out how this works.

You'd think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other,
stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the
wax (I'm guessing).
I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand
degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt
me.)

I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so
it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheena, fighter of all wayward body
hair and smooth skin extraordinaire! With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on my boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one
with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The
Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini
line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the
inside of the right ass cheek.

(Yeah, it was a long strip.)

I inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind! Blind from the pain!

Vision returning.

Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep
breath. And RIIIP!

Everything is swirly and tie-dyed?

Do I hear crashing drums?

OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered
pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medalist.

But why is there no hair on it?

Why is the wax mostly gone?

Where could the wax go, if not on the strip?

Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see
hair - the hair that should be on the strip.

I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently
shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal
version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up
until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.

I know I need to move, to do something.

So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the
cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to do #2 anytime
soon. Your head just might pop off."

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I
should do next.

Hot water!

Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in -
the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?

Wrong.

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit. Now the only
thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued
together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax.

So now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin.

It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and hoochie are
stuck to the tub.
She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants
to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking cheek or
hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the
wax actually is.

"You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody
called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then
record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a
radio show or the Internet if you tell them the truth."
While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax
off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than
covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN
dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other
subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion
provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming
"It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we
hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair
is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that
point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.

Never know, I may want to try it again!

Seeing Double...

Anyone ever notice how similiar Miss Katie Holmes and Nick Cannon look? Seriously! Look at the way they smile in that, " I am cute and I know it..." way.They do the same scrinch of their nose and show their little pointy teeth(top and bottom) and sometimes even do something strange with their tongues. To prove my point ( because unfortunantly the pics aren't doing it justice), just tune into some old Dawson's Creek episodes, then immediately watch Drumline and you will see exactly what I am talking about. No kidding! Ofcourse, the resemblance begins and ends with their mouths!