Old Friends Die Hard
I just had such a wonderful night with an old friend that recently I have reconnected with. It has been a great blessing for me to have her in my life. It is funny how 7 years can go by and you can still connect with someone so well. It is a bit suprising to me. When I opened the door to her when our paths crossed I had no idea what would come of it. So I am thrilled things just keep looking up!
Friendship is such a tricky thing. Ask me if I thought that 2 years ago, and I would have said wholeheartedly "no way, friendship is smooth sailing..." My how time can change a person's mind... One friendship in particular is bogging me down. My "best friend" none the less...Funny how even that has changed drastically. I will set the stage so you can understand, 15 years ago we became BF and that continued on through the years: tears, fights, make-ups, break-ups, breakdowns..etc.,. She even lived with me and I fought side by side with her in her divorce...Honestly, in our friendship we always had issues, we both are strong yet sensitive girls so we would continually butt heads. Looking back now I see our friendship was in patterns. Times of "really good, borderline sublime" and then times of, "why are we even friends at all?" We clashed often. It is so sad for me really to see this sisterhood die. I recently bumped into her and neither of us even spoke to each other, our kids just talked. That was awful, I wish we as adults could atleast get some civil closure. How can you have a relationship with someone for 15 years, and then POOF it is up and gone just like that? Without a moment of closure? That is really what our relationship turned into. Beyond friendship, hell we fought like family...Unfortunately we weren't stuck with eachother the way family is. The unbreakable bond ended up being made of plastic rather than steel. I feel the loss of it and it saddens me deeply. I wonder if we will work this out? I know I want the friendship but I don't want the patterns. No more super highs and lowest of lows. I want her friendship but in an adult way. I don't know if that is too much to ask or if it is impossible to remold such familiar territory. I suppose time will tell.
Friendship is such a tricky thing. Ask me if I thought that 2 years ago, and I would have said wholeheartedly "no way, friendship is smooth sailing..." My how time can change a person's mind... One friendship in particular is bogging me down. My "best friend" none the less...Funny how even that has changed drastically. I will set the stage so you can understand, 15 years ago we became BF and that continued on through the years: tears, fights, make-ups, break-ups, breakdowns..etc.,. She even lived with me and I fought side by side with her in her divorce...Honestly, in our friendship we always had issues, we both are strong yet sensitive girls so we would continually butt heads. Looking back now I see our friendship was in patterns. Times of "really good, borderline sublime" and then times of, "why are we even friends at all?" We clashed often. It is so sad for me really to see this sisterhood die. I recently bumped into her and neither of us even spoke to each other, our kids just talked. That was awful, I wish we as adults could atleast get some civil closure. How can you have a relationship with someone for 15 years, and then POOF it is up and gone just like that? Without a moment of closure? That is really what our relationship turned into. Beyond friendship, hell we fought like family...Unfortunately we weren't stuck with eachother the way family is. The unbreakable bond ended up being made of plastic rather than steel. I feel the loss of it and it saddens me deeply. I wonder if we will work this out? I know I want the friendship but I don't want the patterns. No more super highs and lowest of lows. I want her friendship but in an adult way. I don't know if that is too much to ask or if it is impossible to remold such familiar territory. I suppose time will tell.
posted by Miss Informed @1:35 AM
6 Comments:
maybe she has a sort of mental problem and can't help the highs and lows. YOu have to set boundaries with friends like this. It's hard but you have to find the right kind words to talk through it. I would say that like any relationship, if you truly love them then you have to work at it. Talk it out....if it really matters. Otherwise, some friends just come and go and a break up is a good idea for growth. Whatever it is, pray about it and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
Thank you girlie!
Friends don't require that much mental anguish. Seriously. I'm a little less tolerant of people with issues and drama. Life is short, I want to hang out with people that don't require so much "maintenance."
It sounds like you grew up emotionally and she didn't. Its hard to have a friendship when you're working on an adult level and she's still in the past. The closeness you had isn't there anymore so I understand why it would be difficult for you. Try and enjoy the times you did have and maybe "start over" with your friendship. Hopefully, you can recapture that closeness you once had in a more mature way.
We shall see...thanks for the input. It is one of those time will tell type of things. I will keep updates, if by chance there ends up anything to update about!
I've had a friend for 23 years...I still can't believe its been that long, but I'm glad its always there!
Long standing friendships are the best! The person knows you thru all sorts of circumstances, has seen the worst and the best of you and chooses to hang in there. There is great comfort in finding a true friend.
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